Happy New Year (2014)
The worst SEO bait we’ve ever fallen for.
Movie Stats
- Movie: Happy New Year (2014)
- Directed by: Farah Khan
- Runtime: 180 minutes
- Release Date: October 24, 2014
- Language: Hindi
- Starring: Shah Rukh Khan, Deepika Padukone, Abhishek Bachchan, Boman Irani, Sonu Sood
- Episode: Fear of Stairs — EP 8
What We Talked About
In this episode, we took on Happy New Year (2014) — a Bollywood heist movie that pretends to be about New Year’s but was released in October and has almost nothing to do with the holiday. Directed by Farah Khan, the film stars Shah Rukh Khan leading a team of lovable idiots as they enter a dance competition in order to rob a vault full of diamonds. Yes, really.
Right from the jump, this movie broke us. The energy of Happy New Year is so chaotic, so loud, and so aggressively stupid that we spent most of the episode just trying to understand why it even exists. Khilli explained that Farah Khan is known for her big-budget, star-studded comedies — but even by her standards, this movie feels like a parody of her own work. It’s as if she threw every Bollywood trope into a blender and cranked the volume to 11.
Plot-wise, this movie barely holds together. Shah Rukh Khan plays a man on a revenge mission to rob a corrupt businessman, and somehow that plan involves entering a world dance championship in Dubai. Along the way, we meet a team of cartoonish side characters — a drunk uncle, a safecracker with PTSD, a dumb bodybuilder, and Deepika Padukone playing the world’s most patient dance teacher. None of it makes sense. That didn’t stop us from yelling about it for an hour.
This episode probably featured some of the most physical reactions we’ve ever had on the podcast. We were collapsing onto the floor, screaming, and pausing the movie just to process what we were seeing. There’s a scene where the heist hinges on a man vomiting diamonds at the right moment. There’s a full-on slow-motion intro for Shah Rukh Khan’s abs. There’s a moment where the team wins the dance competition by hacking the voting system — turning this movie into an accidental cybercrime thriller. Every ten minutes, it finds a new way to outdo its own stupidity.
We also couldn’t get over the fact that for a movie called Happy New Year, there is no countdown, no big New Year’s song, and absolutely zero holiday spirit. The title feels like SEO bait before SEO was even a thing. Adam joked that this movie invented “clickbait cinema” years before Netflix perfected it.
And of course, we have to mention Winnie setting a new podcast record by leaving halfway through the movie to go home and sleep. This was the first film to fully break a member of Fear of Stairs. Honestly, we respect it. No one should have to sit through Happy New Year sober and conscious for three full hours.
Right from the jump, this movie broke us. The energy of Happy New Year is so chaotic, so loud, and so aggressively stupid that we spent most of the episode just trying to understand why it even exists. Khilli explained that Farah Khan is known for her big-budget, star-studded comedies — but even by her standards, this movie feels like a parody of her own work. It’s as if she threw every Bollywood trope into a blender and cranked the volume to 11.
Plot-wise, this movie barely holds together. Shah Rukh Khan plays a man on a revenge mission to rob a corrupt businessman, and somehow that plan involves entering a world dance championship in Dubai. Along the way, we meet a team of cartoonish side characters — a drunk uncle, a safecracker with PTSD, a dumb bodybuilder, and Deepika Padukone playing the world’s most patient dance teacher. None of it makes sense. That didn’t stop us from yelling about it for an hour.
This episode probably featured some of the most physical reactions we’ve ever had on the podcast. We were collapsing onto the floor, screaming, and pausing the movie just to process what we were seeing. There’s a scene where the heist hinges on a man vomiting diamonds at the right moment. There’s a full-on slow-motion intro for Shah Rukh Khan’s abs. There’s a moment where the team wins the dance competition by hacking the voting system — turning this movie into an accidental cybercrime thriller. Every ten minutes, it finds a new way to outdo its own stupidity.
We also couldn’t get over the fact that for a movie called Happy New Year, there is no countdown, no big New Year’s song, and absolutely zero holiday spirit. The title feels like SEO bait before SEO was even a thing. Adam joked that this movie invented “clickbait cinema” years before Netflix perfected it.
And of course, we have to mention Winnie setting a new podcast record by leaving halfway through the movie to go home and sleep. This was the first film to fully break a member of Fear of Stairs. Honestly, we respect it. No one should have to sit through Happy New Year sober and conscious for three full hours.
Our Takeaways
"This movie feels like SEO bait before SEO bait was even a thing."Adam
"Farah Khan’s whole style is goofy, over-the-top spectacle — but this one has existential crisis energy." Khilli
"It’s the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen in my life — and I weirdly enjoyed it in the worst way possible." Nicky
"I gave up halfway through and went home to sleep. That’s my review." Winnie
Weirdest Tangent
We debated whether this movie was actually made by a sentient AI script generator trying to create the most generic global blockbuster possible — and failing spectacularly.
About Fear of Stairs
Fear of Stairs: Desi Films Decoded is a podcast where logic takes a backseat to dance numbers — and every staircase could be a death trap.
We’re four wildly different movie nerds diving into the chaos of Indian cinema. Sometimes we’re charmed. Sometimes we’re confused. Always entertained.
New episodes drop regularly covering the boldest, weirdest, and most unforgettable films from across Indian cinema — not just Bollywood.
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